An Experiment in Self-Exploration

Sunday ended my second week with an official training plan.  As I mentioned in a previous post, last week was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.  I spoke about the anxiety I had before every work out. Some of this improved during week two.  The week was less emotional and there was less pre workout anxiety.  

The one thing that didn't get better this week was the physical EXHAUSTION.  It possibly got worse.  Monday was a glorious rest day but the feeling of well restedness was gone by Tuesday's track workout (my new favorite workout).

I bagged my three swims this week due to a nagging shoulder.  Nothing serious.  I went from barely stringing together a few lengths to swimming 2000 yards in three weeks.  Fairly certain Mr. Right Shoulder was having a WTF moment.

Wednesday was a solid 75 minutes of harder efforts on the bike trainer (which I LOVED) and strength training.  I feel like I am nailing (at a beginner level) the track workouts, trainer sessions and strength training.    

By Thursday, a run day, I had brain fog.  I snapped this picture of me at work around 2 pm.  It was becoming increasingly hard for me to concentrate on anything but the mundane and even then...

For the record, I don't sleep at my desk
and don't think sleeping at your desk is
a good idea.

Friday, long run day, was a total shitshow.  I just have to call it what it was.  Lead legs, mental exhaustion and a headache were my hurdles.  It was suppose to be a Zone 2 run but if I ran at Zone 2 pace my legs didn't want to move.  Picking up my pace taxed my heart rate, stressing out an already stressed out system.  I quit the run and felt miserable (emotionally and physically). I realize there is discomfort while running and part of our training is to learn how to embrace the pain and discomfort.  There is a fine line between pushing through discomfort and knowing when you are totally depleted.  My mental game just wasn't there.  I got into bed.  In the middle of the day.  On a weekday...and there I slept for 2.5 hours (No children were harmed in my napping, they were at camp). The only reason why I woke up was because I had to get my eyebrows waxed.  Priorities people! 

Saturday I had a 10-15 mile ride on the road scheduled.  I was really looking forward to this ride because I am eager to get comfortable with my bike on the road.  I was also meeting up with someone I met through social media and blogging.  It was fun to talk family, sport, life, and writing.  Jackie, who blogs over at Muscle Up Mom, is a much stronger rider than I am.  I greatly appreciated her patience while I crept along.  Together we rode 21 miles (more than my plan called out) on a really gorgeous morning.  After refueling and running around with the kids, I found myself in bed AGAIN! I honestly haven't been this tired since I was pregnant.  And NO I am NOT pregnant now.

I would say this was a low point but I was just too exhausted to care for more than a few moments.  I briefly thought of the athletes in my life and their accomplishments.  Then I looked at myself and thought of how I am struggling with a fraction of the training.  My Type A Personality started to flare with indignation.  Deep down I knew the truth.  These athletes have been at this a lot longer than me.  And some are naturally gifted athletes (not me!).  I know they have struggled, plateaued, got injured and still have bad days.  

In the midst of a hate spiral nothing seemed logical.  I took a few deep breaths and reframed my thoughts.  Let's have a moment of honesty, my goals and associated training are just a mechanism of self exploration.  There is no pro card, no prize money, and no front of the pack.  I am not in it to prove anything to anyone except MYSELF.  This is an opportunity to bond with my husband over something that we both find interesting and exciting.  This is an opportunity to expand on what defines me...something other than mother, wife, professional, or Ironwidow.  This is an opportunity to expand on my independence and explore fearlessness.  If my goals come at the expense of my personal happiness, create physical strain, or induce anxiety than the goals need to be reevaluated.

So in the great big world of self improvement and personal change this week was a tremendous success.  It created self awareness and acceptance, the cornerstones of personal growth.

"Above all; To thine own self be true" - William Shakespere

Can't remember where I found this...on Facebook
somewhere.  Truth!

What are your goals? What steps are you taking to achieve them? Any light bulb moments along the way?

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Weekend Recap: "Step Back" Weekend

I hope you don't find this post too mundane.  I took advantage of having no real plans this weekend to have a "step back" weekend.  A weekend where I can step back from responsibility and obligation.  I needed a weekend where i wasn't on some crazy time schedule rushing from errand to errand.

In preparation for my weekend I made sure to stock up on groceries Thursday night. I also took the opportunity to get a sitter for the kids Friday night and asked my mom to watch them for three hours on Saturday.  On the family whiteboard calendar, I marked "Mommy Nap" on Saturday, this way everyone knew what to expect!

Last week I found myself with an official training plan for my two (very small) fall races.  I have been struggling with achieving the level of performance I want and thought this was a good test case for more focused training.  My plan takes into account my two fall races and...wait for it...wait for it...triathlon season in 2014.  This means I am now training in all three disciplines.  No races or distances have been decided for next year.  I am still trying to find the courage to even acknowledge that I am willing to think about this.  Triathlon was an "I will never" thing for me.  As in, "I will never compete in a triathlon."  Well, like they say "never say never".

Last week was a rough week adapting to a new training schedule which on a few days called for double workouts.  Double workouts on top of working full time, being a mom, having a house to take care of, friends who I want to interact with, etc.  As much as last week was physically draining, it was mentally and emotionally draining.  The anxiety before every workout was palpable. The workouts were far more intricate than the "lazy" workouts I had been doing.  It's interesting how one can be active and lazy at the same time.  I ended the week tired, sore, emotionally bruised but still determined.

Trying to adjust to three workouts
in 24 hours.

Stretching and playing mind games
to get me out the door for my long run

Here are some highlights from a much needed "step back" weekend:

1. Dinner with friends on Friday night.  It was so nice to get out and have a real sit down meal with familiar faces.  With friends I have known for a while it was easy to relax and soothed my soul.  John and I don't get out much for dinner and we thoroughly enjoyed the restaurant chosen by the group.  We went to Butera's in Smithtown and would recommend it.
2. Saturday my training plan called for a ride of 10-15 miles on the ROAD!!! Ack! I have had my bike for 10 years and have probably had it on the road 3 or 4 times.  My bike handling skills usually put me on the pavement as I try to unclip from my peddles.  Since we were able to arrange for the kids to go to my moms, John came with me on my ride.  Sometimes I want to kill him under these circumstances but on Saturday I was grateful to have his expertise with me.  He already logged his training for the day and was more than willing to ride to MY plan.  It is hard to train with a spouse (or anyone) who is at a different fitness level than you.  Having a plan ahead of time makes the experience manageable.  John gave me some pointers but for the most part kept the mood light while I clenched my handlebars and swerved everywhere trying to get my water bottle.

   

   Having fun on our bike ride.

3. My plan for a nap was actualized when John took the kids to Big A's triathlon camp! I love to nap.  I miss napping.  I miss my kids napping.  Napping is one of my most favorite pastimes...like ever.
4. Sunday I hit the gym for my weight routine.  Then we headed to the town pool for a swim which allowed me to get in my long swim while hanging with the family.  Big A interrupted me every few laps so this wasn't the most productive workout but it felt good incorporating family time into my workout.

   

   Sunday's Workout

5. I tried out a new recipe.  I have been in a major cooking rut and I am determined to make one new recipe a week for a while.  This weekend I made Egg Muffins and I got the recipe here.  This recipe is really adaptable and fun to play with.  I made my egg muffins with spinach and peppers.  We topped them with salsa and guacamole.  A few suggestions: mix the spinach in with the eggs (it makes it easier); use a ladle to spoon egg mixture into muffin tins; and don't forget the step that says spray the muffin liners.  
   
   

   

   Egg Muffins

   
   

And hey! It was also John's 40th birthday!!  Whoop Whoop.  We had a quiet celebration with family.  John isn't a center stage kind of guy.  He seems to be rolling with 40 just fine.  Me on the other hand, not so much.

Like fine wine...getting better with age.  Well, he is
more like Scotch but you get the point.

This week will be more adapting to a new training schedule.  I am looking forward to another quiet weekend...and yes, I have already marked "mommy nap" on the calendar.  I also plan on doing some major organizing around the homestead.  I should have some good tips and ideas on next weekend's recap.

What did you do this past weekend? Do you prefer to have lazy weekends or event filled weekends?

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